Forging Forward:

Defining, and redefining, success

 

On the outside of this page, you will see my classmates' definitions of success. They performed the same timed, one-minute exercise that I did. To reiterate what I said:

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“To me, success is defined as making something of myself, reinventing some aspect of the world; and helping to give others the opportunity to do both of those things, if not more… and to enjoy life while reaching these goals.”

 

Reading this statement, the statement of my goals in life  (see: Looking Inward), surprises me.  Because if you had asked me the same question four years ago, when I finished high school… I would have had a clear answer for you:

My goal is to be the best.

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Growing up, I was fueled by competition. By sizing up the guy next to me, and saying “I’m going to beat you”.  That competitive fire is still inside of me: nothing made me happier than winning the annual family push-up contest three years in a row… and it crushed me to the bone have the title stripped from me this year by my sixteen-year old cousin.

 

Four years ago, it was all about getting the W. I’m still not happy with taking an L… but other things (namely, The 4 L's — leadership; legacy; lending a helping hand; loving life) have become important to me as I move forward, on from graduation.

 

After four years of college, however, my goals are not as self-centered. Because, I’ve realized that beating one person, all on your own, ultimately doesn’t mean much. To truly achieve something, you must be willing to work with others. I think that’s why my goal has changed from trying to be the best, to trying to be a leader. Notice that I say “a leader” not “the leader”. It’s a softening of word choice that I might not have made earlier in my life. It’s okay to see other people be successful. At an extremely competitive school, with the “leaders and best”, I’ve found that you’ll never find happiness if you’re always comparing yourself to others. Focus on yourself, and the rest will take care of itself.

 

I find that this more or less echoes a quote that I stumbled upon from John Wooden, on his father’s teachings to him on what it means to achieve success.

 

“I was raised on a small farm in Southern Indiana, and Dad tried to teach me and my brothers that you should never try to be better than someone else. I'm sure at the time he did that, I didn't -- it didn't – (resonate)... I guess it popped out somewhere in the recesses of my mind years later. Never try to be better than someone else, always learn from others. Never cease trying to be the best you can be -- that's under your control. If you get too engrossed and involved and concerned in regard to the things over which you have no control, it will adversely affect the things over which you have control. Then I ran across this simple verse that said, ''At God's footstool to confess, a poor soul knelt, and bowed his head. 'I failed!' he cried. The Master said, 'Thou didst thy best, that is success.''

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Wooden continues,  saying that he defines success as: 
 Peace of mind attained only through self-satisfaction in knowing you made the effort to do the best of which you're capable"

– John Wooden, 2001

 

Focus on yourself, and the rest will, hopefully, take care of itself.  (I say hopefully, because as one of my classmates writes, “Success is a reward for hard work that isn’t always given”) 

 

And while I believe that focusing on yourself can help you achieve your own personal goals, as Chris McCandless, at the end of a short and primarily solitary life, put it (see: “Running Away, and Standing Your Ground)

 

“Happiness is nothing if not shared”

 

And that’s not what Chris would’ve said even a few months earlier. Point being – definitions of success are always changing. Chris’ goal was always about experiencing life for himself, doing the things that he thought were important – until he became trapped in the Alaskan wilderness, alone and weak, and his views changed.

 

The more you live, the more you learn, and the better you can define what you think is important in life.

 

Another one of Papou’s lessons is about experience. He says to always learn. Learn as much as you can about everything, because you never know when you’ll need it. That applies to learning how to fix a fridge just as much as it applies to learning how to live your life.  

 

But as you learn, it’s also important to help others, to work with others, and to learn from others, as John Wooden said, as well as Papou:

 

“Even if you know more [than the other person]… and you know [for example] this book inside and out, and you already know all about it — you listen to them anyway. Don’t turn your head.” — Papou

 

In order to achieve success and happiness (the difference between the two is subtle but important (and a subject for another essay :)), after 88 years of life, Papou has this simple message for his grandkids:

 

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“Have Respect.”

 

“Be Kind”

 

“Do the right thing for themselves… and then to do that for their kids… and they will become… success”